Last week was tough. It was a week of loss and I for one have been greiving the changes made to my family in past days.

First we lost our beloved friend and companion Lilly the Wonderdog. What was to be a move to a new home for her, became compromised health issues that the vet determined could no longer be sustained by our girl.

To assist her with the final moments we had the vet come to our house to administer her final sleep. It was a gentle, peaceful process for her. Not so for me.

I have on a previous occassion lost a much loved cat and I thought losing Lilly would be similar. I was wrong. The grief and pain overtook us both. When the vet arrived I was unable to speak as I was rendered mute with tears and snot. No grace in grief.

Our last moments, then kissing her goodbye in the black night in a prepared place, with her favourite blankets under a large gum tree, will stay with us for a long time .


Lilly Knew We Meant To Leave Her

Of this I have no doubt.



My only regret for the final goodbye was that her big brother who she loved ever so much couldn’t be there for the final goodbye.


For The First Week It Was So Raw

I find myself looking for her, thinking what to do next in her daily routine or seeking her out for a cuddle or a chat. I see her in the shadows and now watch with envy other dog walkers. I even miss the ritual of washing her bed linen daily. That is even hard for me to believe but it’s true.

Her departure has left a hole of sadness and she will be missed.



It Was A Triffecta Plus One of Emotion

Our Dog, Our Children, My Dad and Our Home all left on the same weekend.

At the time of Lilly’s passing our daughter was receiving the keys to her new home. A moment of pride.

Her milestone meant a weekend of moving her and all our furniture into hers.

With our daughter not only went all the furniture (excluding one bed and the kettle), but our youngest son and the cat. I have to confess I was prepared to stay in an empty house with the Internet rather than move to a home without connectivity. Yes, I am pathetic, I know this. You will be pleased to know we are now house sitting and this includes many luxuries including the Internet.


Also Saturday morning my Dad quietly packed up his room and left us. Having Dad live with us has been a precious time for not only me but all my family. He too, will be conspicuous in his absence.



I know, I know, I can hear you say that we have instigated all this change. This truth doesn’t change how weary and sad I was on Sunday evening, as I said goodbye to my two and drove home to a truly empty home with my beloved captain.

Now we are busy saying goodbye to close friends and work mates. To hear the lovely things said about my Captain by other teachers and staff was beautiful and inspiring. I am a huge fan of my Captain, obviously, but it is nice to know others love him as well.

The final goodbyes and embraces are reserved for the nearest and dearest and this is all part of the process.


My Final Question

In this world of overshare social media and all the blogs and stories of others heading off on cruising adventures I don’t see much about this pre-departure grief.


Is it only me then?

sad angel



the Miss


PS My ever patient, loving, Captain tells me I am not alone in how I feel in this dual mixture of sadness and expectation. This makes me love him all the more.

PPS Since writing this a few more days have past and and it is now less than a week to departure. More time has meant it is now OK to share this post.
Maybe that’s one of the reason others don’t write about the leaving as it is hard to do even if you have been planning it for a long time….

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  1. katrina whitton

    Thank you for bringing lilly into our lives at work /school thought I would share this poem with you Thank you for loving me you know I love you too thats why its hard to say goodbye and end this life with you so hold me now just one more time and let me hear you say because you care so much for me you will let me go today.

  2. elaine

    so so sorry to hear of lilly’s passing

    I wish you both a safe and happy journey, I will follow your blog.

  3. Rick

    Sorry for your loss of Lilly. I totally get the grief and pain caused by the loss of a close family pet/friend.

  4. Kim

    How brave you are sharing all of this pre departure grief.
    Your rewards in life will be many and varied and precious as you have identified the most precious of our earthly gifts to give, knowing you have the strength to share your rawest of emotions is truly a gift of the highest for all.
    You will be sorely missed as you are both truly admired and loved.
    Live this life as we only have one to live.

  5. David

    Dang, Lilly was a beautiful dog. I remember going for a run with her and Gary (back in Jan 2011. I’m sad too now. What a loss!

  6. Chrissy & Steve

    I meant to write to you earlier, when you spoke so openly about the pain that goes along when making a decision such as this in a previous post.
    We too are in the last month of our “normal” life having sold our home, consoled our parents, children and friends and are now running down the clock at our jobs.

    Our new home is a 47ft Leopard in BVI. As exciting and beautiful as that sounds…

    We too are learning that ‘these emotions are the coins we have to pay the ferryman, if we are to cross to the other side.’
    We are living parallel lives off by about 6 weeks Miss Catana.

    We look at this as a way to open up a whole new world to those friends and family we drag along with us through this adventure.

  7. the Miss

    Snap & Congratulations on your purchase and new life as well. We really liked the 47 Leopard and looked over a couple – a very nice boat that does the business well. Will be interested to trade our stories and experiences sometime soon.

    Cheers and thanks for following Appreciated. Makes this folly seem so much more.

    the Miss

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