Catana I need to tell you, you’re turning into a shitty boyfriend.

I thought as your girl who has said I do, sold everything, cried and kissed loved ones goodbye to live the dream that you are selling, that I was important.

Yet  now I think Catana you don’t know how to treat me right.

In fact of late we seem to have stopped talking.


I am not sure if I should cry or throw something. Nothing like throwing cheese to make things right. Yet right at this moment in the hotel lobby there is no cheese handy so I am going to rant to my friends instead.


Catana Why Have You Treated Me This Way

I am fully committed, in love with your product, a loyal customer.

Catana you are SOOOO good in so many ways,  the finished package is pretty damm hot and I love it. I’m always telling tales of how fab you are.  Yet I need to tell you as a boyfriend you don’t know how to make a girl feel special once she has handed over the goods.

You offer me your girl, a good time, only to come too early and leave a wet patch and dissatisfaction. I can’t break up with you as I am too far gone, but why would you treat me so.

Here is a business hint for free.

Catana IF you promise an already unhappy lover and give them your word, promise an outcome, you need to back it up. You need to be prepared to bet the family farm that you can keep that promise. No excuse will do….



If you can’t keep your promise you need to be really nice to me. Buy me chocolates if you must but most importantly TALK TO ME.


At this moment I hate you because you don’t talk to me.



You don’t tell me what’s going on. Ignoring me only pisses me off more and makes me want to talk to my friends instead.


The fact that my boat is not ready when it was promised to be finished in January 2015, I gave you 8 weeks to do a 2 week job means you have failed. Now I am crapped off and you have let me down when you promised you would never do this. I think you need to change the way you do things in this relationship.


Google doesn’t let me down.  Google tells me how it is, 5000 unique readers, all 40,000 + page turning views of friends who are happy to hear what’s going on in my world. Then there are my other friends on Instagram Facebook Youtube and Twitter, they too wonder why I am back in France when I promised to be in Turkey or Greece.

Often my friends write and remind me I only have 90 days to move on, I have already spent 19 days delivering my boat back to you. My clock is ticking and being here is just wrong. No wonder I am as cross as a cut snake.


Catana I need you to know that thus far as a girlfriend I rock, but as a boyfriend your aftercare love and affection SUCKS.

Now I want to leave you. I want to sail away from you into the sunset and out of the EU before I am fined and kicked out.


Thought you would like to know how I am feeling.


With all my Love

the Miss



PS I need to press publish before my beautiful, calm, wise, peaceful Captain tells me not to tell you how I am feeling at 4 am in the morning.

PPS Also this rant probably needs a better edit  so forgive me for any mistakes right now, I’m too pissed off for editing as I’m off to look for some cheese.














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