I own a hat box which holds all the special stuff I gathered as a teenager and young twenty something. Included in the box are love letters from my first boyfriend who used to write to me every single week, if not every single day – I kid you not. He took romantic to a whole new level, but being a practical lass he wasn’t the one for me.
As I throw and gather things of importance in preparation to leave I found in this box a list I wrote as a teenager, I was 17.
It was a boyfriend job description.
The 17 Year Old Miss List – “My Future Boyfriend “
1. He can ‘t be a mechanic – mechanic’s hands are disgusting – Yuck
2. He Can’t Play Football – every footballer I have ever met is stupid. No doubt there are exceptions to the rule but not in this town
3. Hoon Car – absolutely NO
4. A boyfriend that can string a sentence together and must have read at least one book (comics don’t count)
5. Must aspire to being more than just a mechanic or shelf stacker at Rolf Vos (local supermarket)
6. Short boys need not apply
7. Must like my family and never complain about the phone bill if we move away.
Not A List I Would Write Now If Looking For A Partner
So I publicly apologise to any football playing dwarf, comic reading mechanic who stacks shelves at the local supermarket. I realise all those qualities have great worth.
I ask you to forgive me as I was young, clueless about the opposite sex, lived in a small seaside town with less than 5000 people, so my small town view of the world was not unusual. I had 5 siblings, one was a twin brother so was fairly self sufficient. I certainly wasn’t exposed to the world constantly as we are today.
So This Is A Historical Rewrite
Aimed squarely at my three who are all currently single here is an alternative list that is better than my original…Although I still think a couple of the points have credibility as I am yet to understand Australian Rules.
New 7 Rules for My Three
When choosing a future partner, it’s okay to have standards! You are worthy, so don’t waste your time on drop kicks – always go out with quality or stay single – single is just fine, wasting time and energy on losers is not. Only have a partner who is worth it and worthy of you.
1. Attraction – Obvious but must be there. You have to be attracted to the other and hopefully for a really long time. Don’t stress too much as your body will give off all the right signals for a strong gene pool! So if you heart is racing, your hands are sweaty, and your feeling excited this might be the one.
WARNING – Too much alcohol and other external influences can make the wrong one seem right.
Beauty is so much more than looks, the world is full of extraordinarily beautiful people who don’t fit standard beauty / handsome lists. Attraction is the whole package not just lust.
Let me gross you out – yes I find your father very attractive, still!
2. Different BUT– I don’t know how much truth is in the old age adage that opposites attract but I know most of us marry or join up with people who appear quite different from us but on closer inspection often have similar values. (I love the big BUT) You need to have a partner who has similar values and ethics as you.
Have a look at those big important things in your life and see how your partners values align with your core values. For instance one day you may want children or to work hard to sail away and the other may be completely opposed to this.
WORK this big important shit out early, not once the wedding cake is cut and one of you is pointing the knife at the other saying your *&#@)+$ next. (this last sentence, hand on heart a true story, I was top bridesmaid and heard it all!)
3. Spend Time & Observe – spend lots of time with your new partner and watch listen and see how they interact with others. How do they treat their family, your family, what language do they use. Are they reliable, helpful and thoughtful. How do they talk to annoying telemarketers, strangers, elderly, children and then most importantly you.
The gloss of new love is only temporary, so how they treat others is how they will treat you but magnified in all its glory or all its horror.
Time is a bitch if you are with the wrong person, whereas time spent with “the one” is bliss.
4. Respect – You know the song Aretha sang R.E.S.P.E.C.T. This stuff is important. When you lie down at night and you think how lucky you are it’s often because you respect this person as much as you love them. Do you deeply admire this new partner? Are they someone you look to with great pride and share in their story?
No respect = no team. No team = No Partnership. No partnership means a whole world of pain…. play that song again barman….
5. Money - Don’t be embarrassed to talk about money. Make sure you are on the same page. I have watched loving relationships crash and burn because one is working and saving for a goal, whereas the other is spending money like a man with no tomorrow. Budget is Boss. Manage Money so it doesn’t manage you.
6. Joy, Fun & BF - what is the day to day like. Do they make you laugh, do you spend effortless hours talking, are you really into this person? Can you spend time together and say nothing as easily as share your inner thoughts? Is this your Best Friend or could they be BF potential…
The Hard Truth is, even though you have 503 friends on Facebook as you grow up, yep you’re still doing that, you will find that you will only have a few nearest and dearest. The most important friend you will ever have, will be the person who you share breakfast with.
7. Aspire – I love the word and I’m impressed that I used the word aspire way back then. It is not important what your partner does as long as they do to the best of their abilities and are true to self. They must be willing to give of themselves 100%, be it work, friends, family but most important to you. Work together for the future in love and honesty.
SO There You Have It A New List Of Partner Selection Suggestions!
The list for another will be different as was my list was when I was 17. Yet this stuff is really important and the main thing I say is be careful, don’t waste your time with someone who is not worth it. Take care of what you give away but most important, only give your heart to someone who is deserving.
The Mum Miss xxx
PS However never be afraid to risk in love. Every time you love you risk, but if you get it right the rewards are glorious, infectious and worth singing about every single day.